Dear customers -
As we've previously discussed, you don't get free shit for being stupid - "the ice cubes are too big" is not a reason for me to give you a free drink. I think I should let you know that you can't return shit because your stupid, either.
I will be happy to refund your money if there is something wrong with the sandwich you just purchased. However, you can't return the sandwich you just bought because we're out of paper bags. It doesn't work that way. I think you can manage carrying it 50 feet to your car.
You can't return your bagel because we won't put the cream cheese on it for you. I already sliced and toasted it for you. You have a little cup of cream cheese. You have a knife. I assure you, the mechanics aren't hard to figure out.
And no, you can't return that coffee mug. You didn't even buy the fucking thing here.
Signed,
Your disgruntled barista.
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