Dear customers -
Yes, our parking lot is God awful. I've been saying this for years, and I'm fairly confident that it won't get better any time soon. However, if you want your coffee that badly, it's something you're going to have to deal with. You might want to try to do so like a civilized human being.
First of all - I can't stress this enough - put down the fucking cell phone. You know how I feel about those things. You can't handle talking on the phone and throwing away your garbage at the same time. How the fuck do you think you can handle talking on the phone while pulling your Escalade into a parking spot? You can barely see over the steering wheel as it is, and I'm sure the sunglasses that take up half your face don't help matters.
Of course, looking where you're going might help, too. You don't know how many times some bimbo soccer mom has almost backed over me while I was taking out the garbage, all because she couldn't put the phone down for two seconds to fucking pay attention.
And then, don't fucking honk at me because I'm in your way. I'm trying to do my job. All you're doing is trying to set up a "play date"(a term I hate with a passion) for little Dylan or Madison or whatever the hell people call their little bastards nowadays. Remember - just because you drive a luxury car doesn't entitle you to right of way. I know it's difficult to comprehend, but if you pulled your head out of your ass once in a while, I'm sure you could figure it out.
Signed,
Your disgruntled barista(who is surprised she hasn't become roadkill yet).
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