Dear customers -
It has come to my attention that, much like our pal Gertrude, many of you are far too fucking old to drive. There are several indicators that can point you to this conclusion. However, since common sense escapes so many of you, here's just a couple off the top of my head.
The other day, I found a license plate in the parking lot. This isn't the first time it's happened. Those concrete humps at the end of the parking spot? Yeah. That's where you want to stop. Otherwise, you fuck up your bumper something awful, and may rip off the license plate in the process. Of course, this doesn't occur solely because the driver is too old. Quite often, there is a fucking cell phone involved. However, these are usually the people who come back at bitch that our parking lot fucked up their car.
Some of you, however, take it even further. The handicapped parking sign? That needs to stay there. It doesn't work if you run it over. That goes for the pay phone, too. Not going to function if it's wedged into the radiator of your Cadillac.
And then somehow, one of you managed to do all three - jump the parking hump, take out one of the handicapped parking signs, and plow straight into the pay phone. Not only did you have to jump the curb to do it, but make a full-blown left turn after running down the sign. That, my friends, takes fucking talent.
Signed,
Your disgruntled barista.
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