Can I help you - or rather, can you be helped?

Dear customers -

A large portion of my day consists of making small talk.  This small talk usually involves having the same conversation over...and over...and over again.  Chances are, I know what you're going to say before you say it.


When I ask if you'd like anything else, that could mean a multitude of things - room for milk in your coffee, a copy of your receipt, something to eat, more toilet paper in the bathroom.  Actually, there's a good sporting chance that toilet paper will be your answer.

If I ask you this question, don't tell me "A stack of hundreds".  You say the same fucking thing every day.  It wasn't funny the first time.  It damn sure isn't funny now.

Another inappropriate answer to this question - "Did I ask for anything else?"  No, you didn't.  You were too busy on your fucking cell phone for me to get a word in edgewise.  Would you like me to punch you in the tit?  That can be arranged.

And finally, there's that old chestnut, "To take you out to dinner?", or something of similar ilk.  Really?  Dude, you're 60, and your wife is ten feet away putting way too much Equal in her coffee.  There's really no good reason to ask the question when we both know what the answer will be.

Signed,
Your disgruntled barista(who is starved for intelligent conversation).