Dear customers -
Returns, people! Why is this concept so fucking difficult?
You purchased a DVD from us, like you do every two or three days. You told us it doesn't play in your DVD player, like you do every two or three days. There's just a couple problems with this. First off, we tried it on three different DVD players here at the porn shop, and it plays just fine, just like all the other movies you returned, or attempted to return. Second, you already told us that it plays just fine on your machine at home. The problem, you say? It doesn't play on the DVD player in your car. Did it occur to you that it might be that particular machine? It's not like it's a factory installed player. I've seen your car. You drive a Geo Metro. A fucking Geo Metro, for fuck's sake. Chances are, you have a portable DVD player plugged into your cigarette lighter. Chances are, you bought it for $20 at Big Lots. Not exactly a quality product.
So yes, you can watch "White Jocks and Monster Cocks" or "Granny Gang Bang" or whatever the fuck you've been buying. It works. the problem...yeah, I'm pretty sure the problem is you, clown dick. My guess is that the problem involves you going home, burning the DVDs, and attempting to return them. We're all very disappointed in you. Here's a fun idea for you - go home and disappoint your wife. I know you can manage that.
Signed,
Your friendly local rubber dick saleswoman.
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