Happy V.D., everybody.

Dear customers -

This isn't so much a rant about you as it is about this bullshit holiday.  Don't worry - I'm still going to bitch about you, too.

Yes, it's Valentine's Day.  I get it.  This holiday is supposed to be about love.  Considering the fact that so many of you seem to be in marriages of convenience, or just plain old trophy wives, I don't see why it matters.  All I care about is chocolate going on sale tomorrow.  This fucking holiday is about chocolate.  If you bring me chocolate, perhaps I won't be tempted to punch you in the uterus.

I know that tonight, we're going to get a fuckload of teenagers coming in on "dates".  We'll get the girls who aren't old enough to realize that it's a bullshit holiday.  You'll grow out of your pink and red glitter heart phase soon enough.  And then there's the boys, who are just old enough to realize that they can use Valentine's Day as an excuse to get down their girls' pants.  Ladies - it doesn't matter how old you are.  Some things never change, and men looking for any reason to get laid is one of those things.  You're all idiots.  That will probably never change, either.  This will probably not be the great romance of your life, but I think you deserve each other.

I'm not big on public displays of affection.  Never have been.  But please, for the love of all that's holy, we serve food here.  Get your tongue back in your own mouth, get off your douchebag boyfriend's lap, and get your hands out of that poor stupid girl's panties before I feel the need to call the CDC.

Signed,
Your disgruntled(and thankfully single) barista.