Any port in a (shit)storm.

Dear customers -

 I am still amazed by how many people seem to have problems using the bathroom like civilized human beings.  Yes, we run out of toilet paper from time to time.  Half the time, that's because some clown dick stole it.  We've been over this.  The logical thing to do in this situation would be to come to us and ask for more toilet paper.  We'll be more than happy to get it for you.  

Of course, some of you can't bring yourselves to talk to us about such delicate matters, because God forbid anyone know that you poop just like the rest of us.  You just drank four cups of coffee.  We all know that you poop.  Well, do you see that cabinet over the toilet?  Yeah.  That's where the toilet paper lives.

In any event, stop wiping your ass with the paper toilet seat covers.  If you insist on doing this, they are flushable.  They are designed for that.  We'd prefer not to find shitty toilet seat covers in the garbage, or even worse, scattered all over the fucking floor.  Really?  Seriously, do you do this at home, or does your mind devolve that much when forced to use a public restroom.  Cut that shit out.   I hope that toilet seat cover gives you a paper cut in a miserable place.


Signed,
Your disgruntled barista.