You're nobody till somebody loves you...or you actually buy shit.

Dear customers - 

Actually no, not really.


You know who you are.  Every day you come in, and ask for a cup of hot water.  You bring in your own teabag, then prepare your tea and sit in the cafe for an hour.  More often than not, you are reading a newspaper someone left behind, or better yet, one you swiped off the paper rack.  In all this time, I don't think you've ever purchased anything.

Or maybe you're the lovely person who comes in and asks for an empty cup - and nothing else.  You then proceed to fill it with half and half, chug it, grab a handful of sugar packets, and take off.  No, you're not at all obvious about it, either.

Really, people?  Really?  Is your life that pathetic that you can't afford to boil your own water or buy your own paper?  No surprise, you pulled up in a fucking Lexus.  We've been over this.


And seriously, knock it off with the toilet paper already.  You need to wipe your ass?  Try using that newspaper you just stole.


Signed,
Your disgruntled barista.