No, you can't phone home...or the nail salon.

Dear customers -

No, you can't use our phone.  That phone is necessary for our business.  It's not an emergency.  You're calling the nail salon across the street, and I can see your cell phone in the holster on your belt.

You have other options, you know.  If your battery died, I understand.  While you were out in the parking lot yammering away on your cell phone, you were standing right next to a pay phone.  Remember those?  Back in the olden days, people would use them to talk to other people.  I'm sure you won't feel as cool using a phone that's attached to a wire instead of your face, but trust me, it works.  

Of course, if you're too cheap to spend the fifty cents to use the pay phone, here's a novel idea for you.  Hear me out on this one.  Maybe...just maybe...you can trot your happy ass across the street to the nail salon.  It's not that far.  I can see it from here.  It's over by the liquor store.


And no, you can't borrow my cell phone.  Stop asking.  I don't even bring it with me half the fucking time.


Signed,
Your disgruntled barista.