Hefty, Hefty, Hefty! Dumbass, Dumbass, Dumbass!

Dear customers -

If you want room for milk in your coffee, please let me know.  If there's something(legitimately) wrong with your beverage, bring it back to me, and I'll make you a new one.  I'm not sure exactly what plane of reality you happen to live on, but by no means is pouring scalding hot coffee into a plastic garbage bag a good idea.  You probably didn't think this far ahead, but if you fill the garbage bag with liquids, particularly hot ones, it's going to leak.  Then, I get to clean out the garbage can.  Again.  I wasn't annoyed enough by the nimrod disposing of their trash when there's no bag in the can.  

In addition to this, I'm more than likely going to end up covered in coffee and sour milk when I take out the garbage.  You just made my day so much better.  I hope you've got the Mercedes parked(probably parked like an asshole) next to the dumpster.  There's a good sporting chance that bag is going to blow out while I'm attempting to hammer throw it into the dumpster - which is necessary, considering it's bloated with all the beverages that were discarded throughout the course of the morning, and probably weighs almost as much as I do.  When this happens, your car is going to be covered in skanky garbage water.  Don't come bitching to me.  You're the one that threw the hot coffee into the plastic garbage bag.  You bought it on yourself.  Now you know how I feel at the end of the day.  Of course, the coffee washes off.  The shame...not so much.

Signed,
Your disgruntled barista.

I see you rollin'. I'm hatin'.

Dear customers -

Yes, our parking lot is God awful. I've been saying this for years, and I'm fairly confident that it won't get better any time soon.  However, if you want your coffee that badly, it's something you're going to have to deal with.  You might want to try to do so like a civilized human being.

First of all - I can't stress this enough - put down the fucking cell phone.  You know how I feel about those things.  You can't handle talking on the phone and throwing away your garbage at the same time.  How the fuck do you think you can handle talking on the phone while pulling your Escalade into a parking spot?  You can barely see over the steering wheel as it is, and I'm sure the sunglasses that take up half your face don't help matters.

Of course, looking where you're going might help, too.  You don't know how many times some bimbo soccer mom has almost backed over me while I was taking out the garbage, all because she couldn't put the phone down for two seconds to fucking pay attention.

And then, don't fucking honk at me because I'm in your way.  I'm trying to do my job.  All you're doing is trying to set up a "play date"(a term I hate with a passion) for little Dylan or Madison or whatever the hell people call their little bastards nowadays.  Remember - just because you drive a luxury car doesn't entitle you to right of way.  I know it's difficult to comprehend, but if you pulled your head out of your ass once in a while, I'm sure you could figure it out.

Signed,
Your disgruntled barista(who is surprised she hasn't become roadkill yet).

Thank you for your patience...oh, wait. never mind.

Dear customers -

You see that I'm changing the garbage in the condiment bar.  While I appreciate your efforts, and applaud you for finally figuring out that this is where the garbage lives, there are currently no trash bags in the can, nor is there a trash can in the condiment stand.  As it is, I spend the majority of my life cleaning up after you.  I'm really not in any mood to hose out the garbage can, or spend the next 20 minutes wiping down and sanitizing the condiment stand I just finished cleaning.  Perhaps, if you got off of your fucking cell phone for two seconds and paid attention to your surroundings, this wouldn't be an issue.

Signed,
Your disgruntled, latte-saturated barista.   

Did your mother teach you nothing?

Dear customers -

If you make a mess, hiding it under a napkin is not the same as cleaning it up.  You can handle throwing away your empty Sweet and Low packets.  See the hole in the middle of the condiment bar?  That's where the garbage lives...right next to what you decided was a more appropriate spot to leave your trash.

Signed,
Your disgruntled barista.