Stay tuned for live action coverage of Hurricane Butthurt!

For those of you dealing with Hurricane Irene, as I am, good luck.  Stay safe, and don't be stupid.





Dear customers -

Yes, we are closing early.  We're about to have a motherfucking hurricane.  We want to get the fuck out of here as soon as humanly possible.  There's a fucking sign on the door that says we're closing early.  Read the fucking sign.


If you plan on calling us to ask when we're closing, don't get all pissy with us.  Again...motherfucking hurricane.  Just because you're dumb enough to run around in this weather, that doesn't mean that we are.


As always, we lock the back door in the evenings for security purposes.  You know we do this.  Stop whining at me to unlock the back door so that you can run out to your car.  If you didn't want to get wet, you shouldn't have gone out in a motherfucking hurricane.  Stop being stupid.


And no, I don't have an umbrella I can give you.  This is a coffee shop.  We don't sell them here, and I'm not giving you mine.  If you go outside, you're going to get wet, with or without an umbrella.  God forbid you die of mild discomfort.  Quit being a pussy.


Seriously, all this time you're spending hassling me - this is time you could be using to prepare for the storm.  You know, like rational people would do.  It's not a severe hurricane, but it's a hurricane nonetheless.  Your time could be far better spent.  Go sandbag your garage, and don't be a dick.


Signed,
Your disgruntled barista.